No Jackasses Allowed

Since I’m still caught up in the previous post’s rampant jackassery, I thought for comparision purposes I would write out my idea of a true Christian husband.

A TRUE CHRISTIAN HUSBAND…

…is humble, respectful, approachable, and kind.

…is never domineering, bossy or tyrannical.

…realizes his position of greater spiritual responsibility in the household does not entitle him to demand anything.

…views his wife as an equal partner, not a subordinate.

…looks at his home not as “mine,” but “ours,” whether or not his wife works outside the house.

…does not demand that his wife work or not work. She is an adult, and that decision must be hers.

…asks or suggests, never dictates.

…knows that in today’s world, most of the time one person cannot provide the entire support for a household. If his wife earns more than him, he will rejoice in her competence and ability and will not get snippy or jealous. Her earning power has nothing to do with his masculinity.

…does not require his wife to sacrifice her dreams for the children.

…always consults his wife before a major decision.

…does not try to make his wife do anything she does not want to do.

never forces his wife to have sex. Neither does he nag or bully her. Her honest “no” is always respected.

…realizes the best way to have a good sex life is to work on the other aspects of the marriage–affection, consideration, communication, mutual respect.

…does not divide the housework into Men’s Work and Women’s Work. It’s all work, and somebody has to do it.

…does not hold to rigid gender roles. If his wife does not like to cook, and he does, or if she likes to keep up the yard (or the car) and he does not, he will let each of them follow his/her natural path.

…will not sit on his ass in front of the TV and wait for his wife to cook and clean. If he sees a chore needs to be done, he will do it.

…will not demand that his wife have children. Some women are not cut out to be mothers. (I know; I’m one of them, and a kid would, frankly, make me miserable.) He will also not attempt to sabotage whatever method of birth control he and his wife have decided on.

…does not “babysit” his own child.

…seeks to be a parent, not a “helper.” Perhaps he could take paternity leave after his wife is finished with her maternity leave.

…is not so caught up in the role of “provider” (though that is necessary, and Scriptural) that his family never sees him. A forty-hour week is plenty. If the job requires more, perhaps the job should be re-evaluated.

…works with his wife so she can have a successful career along with motherhood, if this is what she wants to do.

…does not let his sons boss or bully their sisters.

…does not clamp down on his daughters while his sons get away with murder.

..makes sure even if/after children come along, his wife is his priority.

I’m sure I could, and will, think of more. But I cannot stand the notion–which I see far too often–that being a Christian husband means becoming some kind of headship-obsessed despot. That is not the way it should work, and if a man claims to be following Christ, he will not approach his marriage in such a manner.

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5 thoughts on “No Jackasses Allowed

  1. This is refreshing to see. I’ve always maintained that feminist values and Christian values can be one of the same, and this blog is the prime example of that. I do believe as feminists (or Christians) we need to reach out and embrace each other rather than pushing each other way.We all do better when we work together.

  2. Have just gotten into reading various blogs. Long story, but a good one. Anyway, as read down the entries, I was amazed at the drivel still being spewed by so called men who purport to be superior. As a man, husband, father, Christian and deacon, I was bouyed to see your list. If Christ has taught us nothing, it is to be a humble servant to all (man, woman, child and animal) with a respect for life. That is not to say you are weak nor do we ignore injustice.In the end…..”you go girl!”Specialk

  3. This list makes the husband look like a figure head who is fronting for a wife who calls the shots from behind closed doors. Don’t you think?Carrie Chapman Catt? Wasn’t she a blatant racist? She’s the suffragette who tried to pull votes for women’s suffrage from the south by telling the southerners that it would bring them “durable white supremacy.” (Ann Douglas, Terrible Honesty, pg 258, 1995.)

  4. “…does not demand that his wife work or not work. She is an adult, and that decision must be hers.”How about his decision to work or not work? Oh. That’s right, he doesn’t have the same choices as his wife does.“…does not require his wife to sacrifice her dreams for the children.”What about his dreams? Did he dream of being a musician or artist, but instead ends up working a job he has little to no love for as a sacrifice for his family? Should his wife also not make such sacrifices even at the expense of her dreams?“…will not sit on his ass in front of the TV and wait for his wife to cook and clean. If he sees a chore needs to be done, he will do it.”If he works outside the home to provide for the family and his wife works at the home, then the majority of at-home chores are her responsibility. *Period* Any other arrangement would be selfish of her.“…does not let his sons boss or bully their sisters.”“…does not clamp down on his daughters while his sons get away with murder.”But his daughters bullying his sons is A-OK? Lunacy.Your list is selfish and irresponsible. You are right, however, marriage is a partnership and couples should strive for equality, not special treatment and privileges. Your list falls short as such, in my opinion.

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