This article from the Onion is satire…satire that ends up telling the truth.
Though Mitt Romney is considered to be a frontrunner for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination, the national spotlight has forced him to repeatedly confront a major skeleton in his political closet: that as governor of Massachusetts he once tried to help poor, uninsured sick people.
Romney, who signed the state’s 2006 health care reform act, has said he “deeply regrets” giving people in poor physical and mental health the opportunity to seek medical attention, admitting that helping very sick people get better remains a dark cloud hovering over his political career, and his biggest obstacle to becoming president of the United States of America.
Especially since the Massachusetts version possesses the individual mandate he now claims is unconstitutional.
“The major strike against Mitt Romney is that he not only tried to help people get medical care, he actually did help people get medical care,” conservative columnist Jonah Goldberg said. “No other Republican in the field has that type of baggage. And in the end, in order to defeat President Obama, the GOP needs someone who has a track record of never wanting to help sick people.”
Or old people. Oh, wait…who’s that Ryan fellow again?
“I don’t think I can vote for someone like that,” Pennsylvania Republican Eric Tolbert said. “He says he’s sorry, but how do I know that’s the real Mitt Romney? What happens if he gets elected and tries to help sick people again?”
“I like Michele Bachmann now,” Tolbert added. “Because what this country needs is a president who doesn’t give a fuck about helping people.”
Only the rich ones, laddie. Only the rich ones.